Michelle Williams

In her first major interview since the death of Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams tells Vogue magazine that the loss of her ex-lover and father of her daughter was so traumatizing that for a while she held was together with just a "string and a paper clip." Williams said she did not do interviews for months because she was unsure of what her boundaries were when it came to discussing the tragic loss of Ledger to an accidental drug overdose in 2008. "I can talk about grief, because that's mine; about single parenting; about trying to balance work and kids. But what I don't have to talk about is what happened between Heath and me in our relationship," she said. Click the Next Image for More of Michelle's Vogue interview. More From Vogue.com <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_October_Michelle_Williams/?mbid=synd_fox_news" target="_blank">FEATURE: Michelle Williams Opens Up to Vogue</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/tag/fashion-week-spring-2010/?mbid=synd_fox_news">FEATURE: Vogueâ€™s Complete Fashion Week Coverage</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/2009/09/all-about-fashions-night-out/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: The Stars Come Out for Fashionâ€™s Night Out </a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_September_Charlize_Theron/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: Charlize Theron in Vogue</a> Vogue goes on sale nationwide September 22. (PHOTO: Mario Testino)

And while the pain of his death has become "less intense," Williams said she still cannot see any "upside" to it. "Every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at [Matilda, their 3-year-old daughter.]" For the former "Dawson's Creek" star, the loss was not only of her partner, but also of her dream of a family. Click the Next Image for More of Michelle's Vogue interview. More From Vogue.com <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_October_Michelle_Williams/?mbid=synd_fox_news" target="_blank">FEATURE: Michelle Williams Opens Up to Vogue</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/tag/fashion-week-spring-2010/?mbid=synd_fox_news">FEATURE: Vogueâ€™s Complete Fashion Week Coverage</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/2009/09/all-about-fashions-night-out/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: The Stars Come Out for Fashionâ€™s Night Out </a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_September_Charlize_Theron/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: Charlize Theron in Vogue</a> Vogue goes on sale nationwide September 22. (PHOTO: Mario Testino)

"'Brokeback Mountain' was an unrepeatable moment in time, a very charmed time in my life. I was in love; I was in a movie I was proud to be a part of, and with a beautiful brand-new baby. Everything was good in that moment." Since then, Williams says she has focused her energy on motherhood and making quality films. "We're lucky. I can work. She can go to a good school. There's a lot there for her. And she can know her dad in so many ways, and so many of his friends who will be able to tell her so many stories. His friends, his family - they were a big part of his life, and they will be a big part of her life." Click the Next Image for More of Michelle's Vogue interview. More From Vogue.com <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_October_Michelle_Williams/?mbid=synd_fox_news" target="_blank">FEATURE: Michelle Williams Opens Up to Vogue</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/tag/fashion-week-spring-2010/?mbid=synd_fox_news">FEATURE: Vogueâ€™s Complete Fashion Week Coverage</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/2009/09/all-about-fashions-night-out/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: The Stars Come Out for Fashionâ€™s Night Out </a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_September_Charlize_Theron/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: Charlize Theron in Vogue</a> Vogue goes on sale nationwide September 22. (PHOTO: Mario Testino)

More From Vogue.com <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_October_Michelle_Williams/?mbid=synd_fox_news" target="_blank">FEATURE: Michelle Williams Opens Up to Vogue</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/tag/fashion-week-spring-2010/?mbid=synd_fox_news">FEATURE: Vogue’s Complete Fashion Week Coverage</a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/voguedaily/2009/09/all-about-fashions-night-out/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: The Stars Come Out for Fashion’s Night Out </a> <a href="http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_September_Charlize_Theron/?mbid=synd_fox_news">PHOTOS: Charlize Theron in Vogue</a> Vogue goes on sale nationwide September 22. (PHOTO: Mario Testino)

Heath Ledger kisses Michelle Williams during arrivals at the 15th annual Gotham Awards in New York, on Nov. 30, 2005. (AP)

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams arrive for the Australian premier of the movie "Brokeback Mountain" in Melbourne, Australia on Tuesday Jan. 10. (AP)

Heath Ledger arrives with Michelle Williams for the 78th Academy Awards on March 5, 2006 in Los Angeles.

Catherine Keener and Michelle Williams pose for the photo call for "Synecdoche, New York" during the 61st International film festival in Cannes, southern France in May, 2009.

(PHOTO: AP.)