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Divorce took a heavy toll on Paramore's Hayley Williams.
The 31-year-old singer recently opened up to The Guardian about her struggles with mental health following her divorce from Chad Gilbert, her husband of two years.
The two were together a total of 10 years, but Williams said she realized it was "a very unhealthy relationship."
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"He probably looks at me like the villain," Williams said, offering little detail on the relationship. "Throwing around my version of someone else’s story doesn’t feel fair, which is funny because I don’t necessarily think it should be fair. Especially not after the s--t I went through."
Williams said she knew the relationship was headed downhill and that she didn't want to get married, but went through with it anyway.
"I wanted the whole thing — the family — and I thought I might even stop doing music for a while to do that," said Williams.
Retrospectively, she said she's surprised that was something Gilbert encouraged: "Give up the thing that’s the most precious to me? Are you kidding me?"
Williams weighed only 91 pounds at the time of the divorce proceedings, which took place during the promo cycle for Paramore's "After Laughter."
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Hayley Williams of Paramore performs on What Stage during day 2 of the 2018 Bonnaroo Arts And Music Festival on June 8, 2018 in Manchester, Tennessee. (Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic for Bonnaroo Arts And Music Festival Getty)
"It wasn’t until I saw the pictures that I was like, there’s no hiding that I’m not OK now," the singer said. "And part of me enjoyed that — if people know I’m not OK, they won’t get too close."
After her bandmates were able to get Williams to start eating, she turned to alcohol to cope with her emotions.
She said she saw her addiction was her way of “looking to break free from a prison that I’d put myself in and to also forget at the same time."
Williams said that at the time she was uncomfortable labeling herself as depressed.
"What I hated was at the time it was still sort of new to see the word 'depression.' it became such a hot-button word, almost clickbait," explained Williams. "And it scared me to become part of that conversation, especially if I wasn’t even sure what was actually going on with me."
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The singer-songwriter was able to channel that hurt into her first solo album, "Petals for Armor," which is due for release on May 8.
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