'Selfish' mom of three refuses to take in grieving father-in-law in family drama: 'Can barely handle it'
Wife and mom of three is struggling with husband's wish to move his dad into family home
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}A family caregiving drama outlined on social media has drawn over 12,000 reactions and 3,000 comments — with others still weighing in on the situation.
It involves the caregiving of a 75-year-old man who lost his wife and is still grieving — and a son who wants to move the dad into his own family home over his wife's objections.
A mom of three spelled out the details on Reddit related to her husband and his dad — and asked others for input.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}She said her husband's mother "passed away late last year. It was very hard on him and his father. The holidays were rough. My husband is still struggling, and I've been doing my best to be kind, supportive and understanding."
However, the woman also said, "he's been less attentive with our three kids," whom she said are 14, 12 and 9 — "and I'm pretty sure he's struggling at work, too, but he won't admit it. He started therapy about a month ago and is going once a week."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The Redditor did not share the family's location — but added that just a few weeks ago, her husband said he wants to move his 75-year-old father into the home.
A woman shared a family controversy that involves her father-in-law, who is in his mid-70s (not pictured). She said he just lost his wife, and now her husband, still grieving the loss of his mother, wants to move the also-grieving dad into the couple's home. Thousands of people on Reddit weighed in. (iStock)
"He said that his dad is struggling, too, and that being in the house he shared with his wife [for] the past 50 years isn't doing him any good."
She also wrote on Reddit, "He had an entire plan laid out, so it was obvious to me that he's been planning this for a while without talking to me about it."
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The wife and mother said her husband "wants to move his dad into the room that we just moved our middle child into last summer."
"I told him that barely any time has passed since his mom's death, and it's too soon to make such drastic changes in everyone's lives."
Before that, she said, the couple's two youngest kids "were sharing a room, so we did some renovations to make an extra bedroom so [that] all our kids could have their own space."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Now, she said, her husband "wants to force our two youngest to share a room again so his dad can move in. He also wants to talk to his dad about putting their house on the market or possibly renting it out, which means [her father-in-law] would be here long-term."
Then came the encounter.
"After he laid out his plan, he asked me what I thought," the woman said.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"I told him my immediate reaction is ‘no.’ I told him that barely any time has passed since his mom's death, and it's too soon to make such drastic changes in everyone's lives."
A couple in a rural area are in a standoff, according to a Reddit post, over how to handle the husband's grieving dad after the loss of his wife. The woman wrote of her husband, "I know it sounds selfish, but I just don't think I could handle two grieving men in my home. I can barely handle one right now." (iStock)
She said she also told her husband that "his dad will get better with time, and we all just need to take a step back and not rush into any decisions."
But the husband "was not happy with my response and kept asking for specific reasons other than ‘not enough time has passed.’ I suggested that we look into different housing options for his dad if he's uncomfortable in his home, which I get."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The woman told others on social media that "seeing my husband deal with his grief has been hard, especially since it's affecting his ability to be present with me and the kids."
She revealed that her father-in-law "has enough money saved to afford a good retirement home or smaller condo, which would allow everyone to still have their own space."
But her husband "didn't like that idea either because it would mean his dad is still living alone."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The woman told others on social media that "seeing my husband deal with his grief has been hard, especially since it's affecting his ability to be present with me and the kids. I really don't want a second grieving man in our house."
She said it's not fair to her kids, either.
She also said that her husband, if he heard these last few reasons, might think "she's being selfish, and maybe I am."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}A woman on Reddit — a mom of three (not pictured) — said she's struggling with her husband's wish to move his grieving father into their family home. (iStock)
The father-in-law apparently lives about three hours away, "so visiting him is difficult. We also live in a pretty rural area and the nearest town with respectable retirement homes is over an hour away, so even that option isn't ideally close, but it's still closer."
The woman added, "I know it sounds selfish, but I just don't think I could handle two grieving men in my home. I can barely handle one right now."
Fox News Digital reached out to a clinical psychologist in New York City for insight into the standoff.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Plenty of commenters on the subreddit "Am I the a-----e," meanwhile, weighed in with their own thoughts.
"I think the hubby has tunnel vision. He only sees his and his father's grief and not anyone else around him."
One person supportive of the mom wrote, "Living with someone, never mind pushing your kids back into sharing a room indefinitely, is a big deal."
The person added that a "way better option" would be a family discussion about the father-in-law "buying a smaller place nearby."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Another commenter elicited strong reaction to this point: "I'm stereotyping, but what are the odds that the [father-in-law] relied on his wife for cooking and housework, and would transfer that expectation" to the original poster?
"There are wonderful retirement homes that offer wonderful accommodations."
Yet another person indicated support for the mom, too, writing, "I think the hubby has tunnel vision. He only sees his and his father's grief and not anyone else around him and how he is affecting the people around him."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}One more person rendered an opinion that many others agreed with as well: "Roles and marriages were quite different 60 years ago and without a doubt, his wife probably did everything for him — cooking, cleaning and laundry."
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This person went on, "I would have a talk with him to explore his thoughts on what he would like to do. I would hope that he has a hobby or perhaps friends. If he wants to stay in his home, there are companies like Visiting Angels that will check on him during the week and will meal-prep, clean and provide companionship."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}This same person added, "Also, there are wonderful retirement homes that offer wonderful accommodations, gourmet dining, day trips, recreation and the chance to make new friends his age who would have much in common."
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The person finished with, "Nothing could be worse than to be old, alone your kids are grown and your lifelong spouse passes before you."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}A different commenter put forward this thought: "Has anyone talked to the [father-in-law]? He is an actual adult capable of making decisions."