Wedding party problem: 'Self-centered' woman bans her boyfriend from attending a bachelor party
Young couple are at odds about wedding attendance and their close friendships with others
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}A relationship drama has drawn some 5,000 reactions and over 2,000 comments on the Reddit subsection known as AITA ("Am I the a--hole?"), with one commenter bluntly informing the original poster that it's high time for her to become"less self-centered."
A woman describing herself as 24 years old said she's been dating her boyfriend, 25, for nearly three years (she did not name their location).
They've been living together for two years, she said.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}"We have been to two weddings together and both have been friends of his from college that I have never met before," she wrote.
She added that she was "happy to go" because, as "his partner," she said she loves to "meet people that have been a part of his life."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}This year, a woman shared with others that her boyfriend "is a groomsman in two weddings" — while she has the wedding of one of her best friends from college coming up. Who's going to be able to go where when the dates coincide? (iStock)
This year, however, she went on, "he is a groomsman in two weddings," while she has the wedding of one of her college best friends coming up.
"My friend’s wedding is this June," the woman wrote — and the couple already RSVP'd to the wedding in February.
"I told him that he wouldn’t be able to go because we have my friend’s wedding."
However, "yesterday," the woman wrote, "my boyfriend found out that one of the bachelor parties for his buddy is the same weekend of my friend’s wedding."
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So, wrote the woman, "I told him that he wouldn’t be able to go because we have my friend’s wedding."
This did not go over well.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The boyfriend told the woman (not pictured) that "he was not going to miss his buddy’s bachelor party for a ‘random’ wedding" — which angered and upset her enough that she took to social media to vent about it. (iStock)
The woman also wrote, "He told me that he has never met her" — meaning the woman's close college friend — and that "he was not going to miss his buddy’s bachelor party for a ‘random’ wedding."
The woman went on, "I told him that if we hadn’t already RSVP’d for him then things would be different."
"He is arguing that I am not his mother and I don’t make decisions for him."
She told the Reddit community, "I am very traditional when it comes to commitments" regarding formal events.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Now, "he is arguing that I am not his mother and I don’t make decisions for him," she wrote.
"All I want is for my boyfriend to attend the wedding with me because we already committed to it before we knew about the bachelor party."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}She then said, "But now I am wondering if I am being an AH [a--hole]. So, am I?" she asked the community.
In an edit to her comments — after she saw what some others wrote about her dilemma — she added, "I see that the way I addressed it by saying ‘he wouldn’t be able to go’ was not the best way of approaching the conversation."
"Yes, she went to the weddings of his friends," wrote one commenter about the couple's dilemma, "but she shouldn’t hold that against him, suggesting that he now was to repay the favor." (iStock)
She said, "He often forgets plans and I have to remind him. We both RSVP’d together so [he] had originally agreed to go with me. The invite was addressed to my name and his — not me +one guest," she added.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Fox News Digital reached out to a New York City-based psychologist for professional input into the standoff.
Said Dr. Jayme Albin, a clinical psychologist, about the situation, "It’s very hard to tell someone in a relationship what they can and can’t do based on your rules and how you handle personal relationships — and who and what you deem a priority."
"There is no rule in relationships that everything should be ‘tit for tat’ or ‘even Steven.’"
This couple, Dr. Albin went on, "is still learning each other's values and priorities. She’s arguing that because she went previously without hesitation to his friend’s affairs — and that her friend's wedding was on the calendar first — that it’s now her turn and he should forgo a significant event for an important person to him."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Dr. Albin added, "There is no rule in relationships that everything should be ‘tit for tat’ or ‘even Steven.’"
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She also said, "It’s reasonable for the woman to let her [college] friend know that her RSVP has changed and that someone important to her boyfriend is also having something — so as adults, they would each be supporting their independent friendships."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Dr. Albin also said, "It would be a mistake for her to make the guy go with her — which would probably lead to resentment. The wedding and bachelor party don’t need to be about their relationship."
"If that’s how she’s going to see things," observed one person about the couple (not pictured) who are arguing about their respective priorities, "then maybe he shouldn’t invite her to join him at the weddings." (istock)
The Reddit community, meanwhile, was also not on the woman's side, for the most part.
Wrote one person directly to the woman, "It’s weird that you’re trying to blame the boyfriend or minimize his role in the wedding."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}This commenter added, "You have no idea what other constraints there may be affecting the choice of date. Some bachelor parties have 20 or so guys going. You already have to find a date that works for the groom, best man/best men if there are multiple, potential brothers or other family members… Then there are other factors like school breaks and a million other things to take into account."
"You don’t cease to be an individual when you are in a relationship."
The person continued, "The [original poster] just needs to be less self-centered. Yes, she went to the weddings of his friends, but she shouldn’t hold that against him, suggesting that he now was to repay the favor."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The individual added, "If that’s how she’s going to see things, then maybe he shouldn’t invite her to join him at the weddings."
Wrote one person about the couple's dilemma in regard to wedding attendance, "Yes, it's important to keep your commitments. But certain commitments should be flexible, like this one. There are priorities in life." (iStock)
Said someone else, "Yes, it's important to keep your commitments. But certain commitments should be flexible, like this one. There are priorities in life."
Yet another person shared this perspective: "Personally, I wouldn't force my boyfriend to miss a close friend's bachelor party to come with me to a wedding where he doesn't even know the bride and groom. That's really all it comes down to, since I don't believe for a second [that the original poster] is actually troubled over the fact that they're going to have to go back on their word to the bride."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The person went on, "I think [the original poster] is mad that her boyfriend is prioritizing an event with his friends over an event with her and her friends."
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Still another commenter had this to say: "Why can’t [the woman] and her boyfriend just split up for the night? [The original poster] can go to her friend’s wedding, and the boyfriend can go to his bachelor party."
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Added this commenter, who seemingly was trying to knock some sense into the original poster, "You don’t cease to be an individual when you are in a relationship."