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Welcome back I hope you had a great weekend. We know obviously Kat did. And poor Lisa Boothe doesn't know when to put the bottle down. They are our role models.

So - you ever write to your congressman or senator? Most of them read at a 6th-grade level, so do it in crayon. But chances are, all you get back are form letters sent out by a staffer. Still, I contact my local representative a lot. I keep sending them sketches of Kat’s husband. He's still on the loose.

But today, as a world-famous celebrity - I can get politicians to listen to me when you can't. Vincent Del Castillo is a professor of criminal justice at John Jay College of Criminal Justice for the past 30 years; served 27 years in the NYC transit police department, the last three as department chief. This guy knows his stuff.  Which is why you never see him on TV. He wrote to Senator Tim Scott about police reform. All he got was a form letter.  

So I decided it's my job to amplify Vincent’s sensible solutions. And none of them factor into race, which means CNN will call them racist. So first, let’s begin with reality.

Like the guy with the broom at the circus who goes where the elephants are - police go to where the crime is. That's high-crime areas, where decent people of color live.  But also riff-raff. Yep - cops protecting people of color. It doesn't get more racist than that. So you have high crime areas. Now add activity quotas -- where police departments must issue a minimum number of summons or make arrests over a week or a month. The problem: cops will fill their quotas with minor drug offenses, prostitution, and traffic violations. What Michael Loftus calls Tuesday.

Did you know that most negative contacts between cops and the public are in traffic stops? And because police are in minority-concentrated areas, the perception is that Blacks are being hassled over minor violations. It's a fair point. Do you think any cop wanted to wrestle Eric Garner over selling loose cigarettes? Hell no. If they didn’t overtax cigarettes to control behavior, there’d be no reason to sell loose ones in the first place. But that's another gripe for another day.

Garner died over a loose cigarette. In George Floyd’s case, it began with a fake $20 bill. Small things lead to huge tragedies. So what's the solution?  

First get rid of activity quotas, which would stop forcing cops to chase minor violations. Besides, no one watches a cop show where the guy keeps arresting people for ripping tags off mattresses. Castillo, when he was chief, got rid of activity quotas, allowing cops to spend more time on patrol and make more arrests for stuff like robberies. Which sounds like a better deterrent than AOC’s "getting rid of jails." He also wants to remove the burden of traffic stops off cops and put it on tech.

I know we hate red light and speed limit cameras. But chances are you're already on camera a lot. Especially if you rented my house on Airbnb. And you thought that head and shoulders bottle was empty. But machines make objective decisions. A camera won’t care if you unbutton the top button of your shirt. Unless it’s operated by Brian Kilmeade, the freak.

This one step reduces negative interactions with the public. Which is also what's happening to Don lemon at the 11 PM slot—because his ratings are going down.

Traffic warnings, instead of tickets, will also allow cops more discretion. And letting someone off with a warning always creates goodwill in the community.

Finally -- we need to end the drug war. We lost it a century ago, so let's pick up our hash pipes and go home. They can’t even keep drugs out of the prisons full of people in jail for drug crimes. And as a consequence of closing institutions, we still have nuts on the street. And I’m just talking about the mayor. And we can still get any drug we want, on the street. But it's poorly dosed, so you have thousands and thousands of deaths - thank you China -- from street fentanyl.

My solution? Sitting at home, I experimented with legal substances, until I was out of my tree. But I was home, in the safety and security of an apartment where my stupidity hurts no one.  Except for people whom I text about my x-ray vision. But I have what I call oblivion privilege. I can seek any oblivion I want - and not be arrested, because I am in, and not out.

But if I had been on the street - and an officer had told me to put my hands up, or lie flat on the ground, I would’ve been noncompliant. Because standing there, in my state: I would have thought "how is this giant blue plant talking." 

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Fact is: people want their oblivion, but there's nowhere for them to go after they get it. Which is why you see them on street. Or in the Starbucks bathroom. I'm lucky and industrious enough to have my fun without bothering others. Neighbors be damned. Just like you having your martini, watching "The Five."

Not everyone has that luxury. Something to think about, as others prefer to change the subject and call you racist.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the June 7, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"