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Over the past decade, actress turned TV-host Drew Barrymore has experienced an abundance of change and suffered through "cripplingly difficult" periods of her life.
In a new interview with People magazine, Barrymore opened up about how her long envisioned dream of a family slowly crumbled after her divorce from ex-husband Will Kopelman was finalized in 2016.
"After the life I planned for my kids didn't work out — I almost think that was harder than the stuff [I went through] as a kid. It felt a lot more real because it wasn't just me. It was about these kids that I cared so much about. And then I probably cared so much that I was only giving to them and not taking care of myself. It was a messy, painful, excruciating walk through the fire and come back to life kind of trajectory," she shared.
Barrymore shares two children with Kopelman, daughters Olive and Frankie, 10 and 8 respectively.
Drew Barrymore talked about how she saw the signs of addiction creeping back into her life when she started drinking again. (Arturo Holmes)
When speaking of her divorce, Barrymore said it was not dramatic nor was it spurred by something crazy. "There was no scandal. Nothing went wrong, which is cleaner, but makes it harder and more confusing because there isn't The Thing to point to…We tried so hard to make it work," she said.
In an effort to give her children as much of a traditional family life as she had intended, Barrymore moved from California to New York to be closer to her ex-husband's family.
She recalls thinking at the time, "'This is a family, so nobody's going anywhere.' I was determined to make it work because we all loved each other so much."
Will Kopelman and Drew Barrymore were married for four years. They share two daughters. (SBN/Star Max/GC Images)
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"It just took me down," she said of her first winter in New York. "There are times where you can look at someone you think is a strong person and see them so broken and go, 'How the f--- did they get there?' And I was that person. I broke."
Barrymore, who suffered from substance abuse issues earlier in her life, turned to drinking.
"It was just trying to numb the pain and feel good—and alcohol totally did that for me…The drinking thing for me was a constant, like, 'You cannot change. You are weak and incapable of doing what's best for you. You keep thinking you will master this thing, and it's getting the better of you.'"
Her children ultimately motivated the 47-year-old to stop drinking. She also went to therapy.
"It was my kids that made me feel like it's game time," she said of her life-change.
Drew Barrymore said her children were motivation to stop drinking. (Arturo Holmes/WireImage)
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In 2020, Barrymore's TV show "The Drew Barrymore Show" debuted. She said it was "something to focus on and pour myself into. It gave us something to believe in."
In hindsight, Barrymore believes this has been the "best decade" of her life. But she also admits there is room for growth.
"I'm like a wrecking ball of a pendulum. Agony, ecstasy. Heavier, thinner. Happier, totally depressed. Working my ass off, completely lost and broken, not knowing what I'm doing. Balance is an elusive bitch that haunts me. I would love to find that in my 50s."
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