White House etiquette expert defends the Irish goodbye: 'Sometimes it makes sense'
Elevate Etiquette founder Alison Cheperdak joins 'Varney & Co.' to discuss whether an 'Irish goodbye' is bad manners and social norms at the White House.
You might need a little luck of the Irish to pull it off, but slipping out of a party or leaving a bar without saying goodbye isn’t always rude, etiquette experts say.
With St. Patrick's Day celebrations in full swing around the world, revelers may be tempted to make a quick, quiet exit commonly known as the "Irish goodbye" despite its debated origins. Yet how it's carried out can be a fine line between rude and polite.
"It depends on the scenario," Washington, D.C.-based etiquette coach Alison Cheperdak, founder of Elevate Etiquette, told Stuart Varney of the Fox Business Network Tuesday.
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If you're at an intimate dinner party, an Irish goodbye would be considered impolite, Cheperdak said.
Yet at a large function, announcing your departure could actually be more of a faux pas.
Leaving without saying goodbye isn't always considered rude, some experts insist. (Adam Gray/Getty Images)
"Sometimes it makes sense," she said of the tactic, which she recently defended in a Wall Street Journal essay.
"You don't want to create this domino effect where everybody else is leaving and being disruptive."
For many, the appeal of the Irish goodbye comes down to convenience.
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"The purpose of an Irish goodbye is solely about simplifying an exit," argued Richie Frieman, a Baltimore-based etiquette expert known as the "Modern Manners Guy."
But he pushed back on the idea that it's about saving time.
An "Irish goodbye" is more about "simplifying an exit" than it is about saving time, an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital. (Alexi Rosenfeld/Getty Images)
"If someone says they saved time by sneaking out like a thief in the night, then just humor them," Frieman told Fox News Digital.
He said the Irish goodbye is a "go-to move when someone doesn't want to be seen leaving early."
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While the phrase is often linked to the Emerald Isle, its exact origins remain unclear, though some explanations align with Frieman's theory.
The term may have even emerged in the United States, possibly in Boston, which has a large Irish-American population. It describes someone slipping out quietly, sometimes to avoid revealing how much they had been drinking, according to Dictionary.com.
Similar expressions for leaving without saying goodbye exist across different cultures, experts note. (iStock)
Some theories tie the phrase to Irish emigration during the potato famine, when people may have avoided prolonged, emotional farewells.
Others suggest the opposite — that Irish goodbyes can be long and lively, thanks to the fabled "gift of the gab," making a quiet exit more appealing.
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Despite the name, the so-called Irish goodbye isn't uniquely Irish, and similar expressions exist around the world.
In England, it's been called a "French leave," while in France, the equivalent translates to leaving "the English way," according to the Wall Street Journal.
Linguists say these terms often reflect cultural rivalries rather than reality and were historically used "to disparage another country," according to the language learning service Babbel.
An Irish goodbye isn't uniquely Irish, according to experts. (Joseph Prezioso/AFP via Getty Images)
The modern debate comes as "ghosting" in social and professional settings, as well as the dating world, is often criticized.
Even major brands are leaning into the trend, with Uber promoting discounted rides for those looking to leave parties "without a peep," according to reports.
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Either way, experts agree there's a right way to go about it, and some form of follow-up with the host is necessary.
"Sometimes a quick text at the end of the night or letting someone know how much you appreciated seeing them the next day makes more sense," Cheperdak said.
Etiquette experts say a "mannerly" Irish goodbye includes engaging with the host before leaving. (Matthew Hinton/AFP via Getty Images)
A quick text or message thanking people can "bridge the gap between traditional etiquette and modern convenience," she noted in The Wall Street Journal.
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Don't bother making excuses for your Irish exit, Frieman added.
To execute a "mannerly" Irish goodbye, he recommends making an appearance, engaging thoroughly with guests and the host and ensuring you've contributed before slipping out.
It's best not to make excuses when making an Irish exit, an etiquette expert said. (Shannon Stapleton/Reuters)
It's also important to make sure you've paid your share, if necessary, or contributed something to the event, such as flowers or wine.
Then — don't look back.
"Remember, this is supposed to be sneaky, so commit to the role and own it," Frieman said.
