White House etiquette expert defends the Irish goodbye: 'Sometimes it makes sense'
Elevate Etiquette founder Alison Cheperdak joins 'Varney & Co.' to discuss whether an 'Irish goodbye' is bad manners and social norms at the White House.
Most people have heard of the Irish goodbye, which involves a sneaky, unannounced exit by someone during an event. It turns out a regional exit based in America often plays out at the end of a meal — and it's quite the opposite.
The "Midwest goodbye" is less about leaving and more about how long it takes to actually get out the door.
What starts as a simple attempt to head home can turn into a prolonged process filled with hugs, small talk and repeated attempts to exit even as leftovers are pushed on the person heading out.
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The term has become a cultural shorthand for the famously long farewells common across the Midwest and is sometimes even dubbed the "Minnesota goodbye," a reflection of the region's reputation for generous hosting and hard-to-refuse food offers.
Much of it involves "lingering in doorways," according to the Chicago Tribune. "We spend so much time standing on a threshold, one hand on a doorknob, resisting leftovers, hugging, promising to return, resisting leftovers once again, listening to just one more story, being unable to extract ourselves," the outlet noted in a 2022 piece.
Unlike the Irish goodbye, the Midwest version of someone's exit from an event is known for being long and lingering. (iStock)
Comedian Charlie Berens also popularized the ritual, joking that it can be broken down into recognizable steps.
It starts with a knee slap and saying, "Welp, I s'pose" to signal that one is about to leave, Berens said in a 2023 comedy special, adopting a thick Midwestern accent.
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From there, the process drags on: Guests stand up, search for their coats, exchange hugs and get pulled back into the conversation.
Even reaching the door doesn't guarantee an exit — as conversations can continue, sometimes shifting to the driveway or even after the car is started. "Whatever you do, don't roll down your window," Berens joked.
A "Midwest goodbye" often includes multiple attempts to leave an event before actually making it out the door. (iStock)
The drawn-out farewell was instantly recognizable to many online as well.
In a recent Reddit discussion among Wisconsin natives, commenters traded stories about just how long a Midwest goodbye can last.
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"My nephew was visiting and says, 'Well, I suppose I should get going,'" one person commented. "This was at 11:50 a.m. Then he stayed for an entire Packers game."
The person added, "This is the most Wisconsin goodbye one can have."
"The Midwest goodbye is the purest sign of comfort, enjoyment and care when it comes to exiting a social setting."
Others described the ritual as nearly impossible to interrupt.
"One does not simply cut off a Midwest goodbye. The only way out is through," another user wrote.
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Some people said using the Irish goodbye is the only way to avoid it.
Offers of more food and leftovers often extend a "Midwest goodbye." (iStock)
"The Midwest goodbye, at its heart, is a bear hug around whatever time is left," the Tribune article noted.
The drawn-out exit reflects something deeper than habit, agreed Richie Frieman, a Baltimore-based author and etiquette expert known as the "Modern Manners Guy."
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"The Midwest goodbye is the purest sign of comfort, enjoyment and care when it comes to exiting a social setting," Frieman told Fox News Digital.
It's a sign of respect, he said. "Does it take longer than a simple wave to the room of people from the doorway? Yes. But is it the kindest way to show someone's appreciation for the invite and the work put into it? Yes, as well."
Experts say planning ahead and keeping interactions brief can help shorten a "Midwest goodbye." (iStock)
Of course, it can be "rather exhausting," Frieman noted.
For those hoping to escape their next Midwest dinner party without seeming rude, he said the key is to be intentional.
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"The most polite way to shorten the Midwest goodbye is to A, plan ahead because you know it takes long, and B, set a mental clock for each interaction," he said.
Overall, Frieman advised, "It's best to read the room and do your best to make it out before the host brings out the vacuum to clean up."
