We're about to bring you what has become unfortunately a nightly update on the descent of our nation into chaos and craziness, a lot of craziness.
For more than two weeks, this is really all we've covered. There's that much going on right now. We can't cover it all in an hour. Almost all of it, as you know, all the news is horrifying.
Vandals are defacing our country. They're destroying our cities, our institutions, our civil society.
NEW YORK TIMES CELEBRATES SEATTLE PROTESTERS' 'AUTONOMOUS ZONE': 'A HOMELAND FOR RACIAL JUSTICE'
They have no right to do any of that. They don't own this country. They did not build it. The rest of us should not allow them to wreck it, but we are allowing them and it's infuriating to watch.
We've definitely been infuriated. Genuinely infuriated. If you've watched the show, you've probably noticed that and we want to apologize for that.
Here's why: The last thing American needs right now is more anger, yet another red face screamer shouting about this or that.
And to the extent, that's been us, we're sorry. We genuinely want to help fix this disaster. So, adding to the sum total of rage does not help.
Going forward, we're going to continue to be as honest as we can. That's our duty. Above all, we try to be honest on the show. Sincerely.
We're also going to work to be calm and amused because, honestly, what's the option right now?
Keep your sense of humor. That's what they tell you when things get really dark. And it's good advice.
Humor brings perspective. All of us could use some perspective right now.
So with that in mind, we want to begin with a geography quiz.
Here it is: How many countries are there on Earth? Last week, there were a total of 195, but if you guessed that, you're wrong, because now there are 196.
Ladies and gentlemen say hello to the latest addition to the global family of nations: the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone formerly known as downtown Seattle.
Here is what just some of the inhabitants are saying:
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Whose city hall?
GROUP: Our City Hall.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Whose city hall?
GROUP: Our City Hall. You about to lose your jobs. You about to lose your jobs.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Show me what democracy looks like?
GROUP: This is what democracy looks like.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Show me what democracy looks like?
GROUP: This is what democracy looks like.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The point is, in the end, this is our street, it is our station.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Whose streets?
GROUP: Our street.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Whose streets?
GROUP: Our street.
Well, that looks pretty appealing. But before you jump on Expedia to book a trip with the family to the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone, now known, by the way, as "CHAZ," the country's Tourism and Economic Development Department is calling it that.
You should know that there are no beaches in CHAZ. This is a tiny nation. It's smaller than Liechtenstein.
The entire country extends only six city blocks. It was built on land that was formerly owned in part by the Seattle Police Department. But the founders of CHAZ wanted that land. So, they planted a flag and they stole it, just like the Conquistadores.
The first thing they did after they declared nationhood and this was a bit of a surprise given that these modern Conquistadores claim to be progressive ideologues.
But the first thing they did was establish rigid national borders. They built a wall around the place just like Donald Trump once said he would do.
Their wall is made from wooden barricades. A sign at the entrance to the country warns, "You are now leaving the USA."
And then there are armed border guards, not technically ICE agents but close enough -- who question everyone seeking entry.
Countries have borders and the founders of CHAZ understood that. They don't want the place flooded with illegals, and by illegals, we mean the citizens of Seattle.
POLICE OFFICER: We've been hearing from community members that they have been subjected to barricades set up by the protesters, with some armed individuals running them as checkpoints into the neighborhood.
That's pretty smart. You can't let just anyone into your country, an uncontrolled flood of immigrants would tank the economy and the people of CHAZ know that.
They're not libertarians. They don't work for the Chamber of Commerce. They're not giving you some speech about how immigration makes you richer.
They're realists.
They want to make this work for the sake of their people and they don't have much to work with. What exactly is the economy of CHAZ? It's tough.
With limited natural resources and a population with virtually no skills of any kind, apart from spray painting the F-word on public buildings, they lead the world in that, the people of CHAZ don't have a lot of options for economic development.
So, they've gone with extortion through violence, again, just like the Conquistadores. It's a time tested formula and it's lucrative.
POLICE OFFICER: We have heard anecdotally reports of citizens and businesses being asked to pay a fee to operate within this area. This is the crime of extortion.
Well, like the nation it broke from, its mother nation, the United States, The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is what political philosophers call a proposition nation.
It's a country based on an idea rather than particular people. The founding idea in CHAZ, its Magna Carta, its Constitution, its raison d'etre is that cops are bad. Very, very bad. The police are bad and should be abolished.
So not surprisingly, CHAZ has banned police from its territory. The shining city of Seattle seems OK with that decision.
I mean, does the government of Italy dictate local policies within the Vatican City? No, of course not. It's autonomous. Same thing here.
What's amazing, though, is that the leaders of CHAZ would like to dictate policies in the City of Seattle and so they're demanding that Seattle get rid of its police force and close all jails and prisons.
At this point, CHAZ has not yet been admitted to the U.N., presumably there's an e-mail headed there now.
But as the Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best explained, the country already has recognition from the Seattle City government.
CHIEF CARMEN BEST, SEATTLE CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT: The decision to board up the precinct -- our precinct, our home, the first precinct I worked in - - was something I had been holding off. You should know, leaving the precinct was not my decision.
You fought for days to protect it. I asked you to stand on that line, day in and day out, to be pelted with projectiles, to be screamed at, threatened and in some cases hurt.
Then to have a change of course, nearly two weeks in, it seems like an insult to you and our community.
Ultimately, the city had other plans for the building and relented to severe public pressure.
Pretty powerful police chief. Pretty, pretty formidable law enforcement leader, I'm sure that people of Seattle feel well protected.
So CHAZ is a nation without leaders. It's a flat system. It's anarchy.
How long can that continue? Probably not very long. Anarchy isn't built to last. In the end, the strong always dominate.
In the weekend, in fact, it's already happening. It took barely a day for the nation of CHAZ to get its first warlord, and it was quite a promotion for him.
Just a week ago, Raz Simone was an up and coming rapper. He was also a super host for Airbnb.
Now, he's a monarch.
In videos taken within CHAZ, Simone is seen patrolling the area with his allies. They have guns.
They're declaring, "We're the police now."
In one clip, the monarch's men assault a citizen of CHAZ for spray painting graffiti inside the zone.
Just like the mafia, CHAZ doesn't put up with nonsense like that in their own neighborhood.
So that's what's happening in Seattle on Thursday night. Not a big deal. A brand new nation within our own borders.
Yes, the last time that happened. It did kick off a Civil War that killed hundreds of thousands of Americans and lasted three years. But it's not a huge deal and that may be why Democrats in Congress seemed completely unaware that it's happening.
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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has said nothing about it. Neither has House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff -- and you'd think they kind of have their finger on the pulse of the nation.
The Mayor of Seattle knows about it, obviously, it's happening downtown, but doesn't seem bothered in the slightest.
In fact, in the last few days, the mayor of Seattle, Jenny Durkan, has tweeted in honor of a deceased gay icon in the city. She has bragged about building new housing for the homeless.
But until Thursday night, she didn't even acknowledge the existence of CHAZ. Again, a nation built in her downtown.
The president noticed though. On Wednesday night, he tweeted this: "Take back your city now, if you don't do it, I will. This is not a game. These ugly anarchists must be stopped immediately. Move fast."
The mayor of Seattle replied this way, simply saying, "Make us all safe. Go back to your bunker."
A clever social media wordsmith.
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There are questions though that are unresolved. For example, what will happen to the American citizens who may have been shopping downtown in Seattle and are now stuck behind the border of CHAZ?
Can we repatriate them? Are they are now prisoners of war?
These are questions of international diplomacy at this stage, but the mayor has not addressed them.
She did say Thursday night that CHAZ is really like a block party and she said she might grant some of their demands, presumably a bilateral treaty is imminent. We'll be bringing you that news when it happens.
The media haven't paid a lot of attention to CHAZ either. They are excited by anything that's new, but not this new country.
It's kind of weird because just a month ago, they were very against demonstrators. The anti-lockdown demonstrators in Michigan, for example, were dangerous zealots.
JIM SCIUTTO, CNN ANCHOR: Really just an ugly -- a dangerous scene at the State Capitol in Michigan.
JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: Black people's right to protest is secondary to white people's right to be an armed protest with long guns.
BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC HOST: A bunch of guys camo'ed up, a bunch of guys with long guns.
BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: These potentially dangerous protests against stay-at-home orders.
LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, MSNBC HOST: A tiny minority with guns marched into the state capitol in Michigan today to lobby in their raucous way.
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: And when it's white people with guns and they're out and they're angry and their faces with cops.
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Didn't see any of that.
CUOMO: Everybody is civil.
EDDIE GLAUDE, PROFESSOR, PRINCETON UNIVERSITY: These folks ended up in the state capitol carrying -- with automatic weapons -- and they were treated with kid gloves.
We said at the top of the show, we're going to try to stay amused. Not after we play those clips and every night, it just -- oh, it makes you red in the face.
How can people that stupid have TV shows?! And be that dishonest.
But let's acknowledge, it is amusing. Because here's the standard. If you protest lockdowns in Michigan with guns but don't commit any violence at all, it is a threat to the nation.
But if you commit beatings and loot and burn down buildings you are, quote, "mostly peaceful."
If you create an armed, independent nation in downtown Seattle, it's amazing. Good call.
The New York Times is on your side. And in fact, just today, "The New York Times" published a piece that described the nation of CHAZ as "A homeland for racial justice."
So we have homelands now, in the middle of our country.
The nation of CHAZ is -- we are again quoting The New York Times here, "An experiment in life without the police, part street festival, part commune."
It has free food and that's what it takes to make everything right. Just get rid of the police.
By the way, how many of the people writing this stuff would go spend a week in CHAZ with their families? Or in CHAD for that matter? Zero.
But that didn't slow ABC down. It described CHAZ as "festive." Basically like Free Tibet, except in this case, the media actually support it because China's on board, too.
We'd love to explore this question more, the press, the Democratic Party have repeatedly condemned protesters who carry weapons simply to make a point with no intention of using them and don't use them. And of course, last winter, we had an entire impeachment charade based on the idea that nobody is above the law.
REP. ADAM SCHIFF, D-Calif.: No one is above the law.
REP. VAL DEMINGS, D-Fla.: Nobody is above the law.
REP. HAKEEM JEFFRIES, D-NY: No one is above the law.
SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN, D-Mass.: No one is above the law.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No one is above the law.
REP. SHEILA JACKSON LEE, D-Texas: No one is above the law.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That no person is above the law.
SEN. CORY BOOKER, D-NJ: Nobody should be above the law.
SEN. KAMALA HARRIS, D-Calif.: Nobody should be above the law.
REP. NANCY PELOSI, D-Calif.: No one is above the law.
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Got that, America? Stop exercising your rights, the ones you thought were the law and shut up because no one is above the law -- except for Democratic voters, obviously. They're not simply above the law, in fact, they get to make their own laws.
In fact, they can make their own countries if they want. It's all totally cool. Just as long as they vote in November.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue on "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on June 11, 2020.