Gutfeld: Searching for the missing Kamala Harris
'Gutfeld!' panel discusses the curious case of the missing Vice President
So it's been really hard to gauge the vice president's performance during this Afghanistan fiasco. Mainly because she’s been harder to find than a non-binary Taliban leader, which basically means he sleeps with both women and goats.
It's almost like she was abducted by aliens! And not the ones pouring across our southern border.
And honestly, I am starting to miss her. Her gravitas. Her sincerity. Her compassion towards looters and arsonists. But also, I really miss, her soothing laugh.
True, I’ve been going thru cackle withdrawal. But I’ve been making do, with this.
*Cesar Romero as The Joker laughing*
True: we'd have more luck finding Cesar Romero at a laundromat in Queens, than finding Kamala anywhere.
Guess that means it's time for: In Search of Kamala Harris.
Welcome to "In search of Kamala Harris." I'm your host Sarah Jessica Parker.
So - while the country endured a week and a half of horrible news, we heard that Kamala went on a trip to Vietnam. Hmmm…why does that name ring a bell? What happened over there? Not sure.
But she left faster than the last U.S. helicopter out of Saigon in 1975. She stopped over at Pearl Harbor. Fair enough.
But if she’s interested in military tragedies, there is one she’s presiding over currently. But I guess it’s fitting: Kamala’s approval rating is also a dive-bombing zero.
Then there was an event that was closed to the press. What happened there? No idea. It was closed to the press. Something I just said three sentences ago. Sometimes I really wish you were listening.
Fact is, Harris has been as quiet as Don Lemon after he sees his ratings. She's been as closed mouth as our president when he loses his chompers.
This is interesting, for as we once were told, she was supposed to be the real commander in chief, not the old coot currently trying to put Kleenex boxes on his feet and combing his hair with a toilet brush.
As Joe Concha points out in The Hill – a website, not the mound of dirt – she was a "historic consequential figure." He cites Politico's headline that mirrored so many others: "Harris has the potential to change the face of U.S. Politics."
Sorry, this dame couldn’t change the lint filter in your dryer – which is where they harvest Joe's hair.
But still - she was always the anointed one. But now, this big deal has vanished like food left on a tray in a hotel hallway two doors down from Brian Stelter’s room.
DEVINE: KAMALA HARRIS INCHES CLOSER TO 2024 AND DEMS ARE TERRIFIED
Since she took office, she's not held one solo press conference. And she's no longer doing one-on-one interviewers. Wow, what a powerful display of feminism.
And you know Hillary’s sitting at home in her robe drinking a Bud, watching Harris on TV and going "Are you s****ing me!?"
One shouldn't be surprised. This is what happens when you're chosen based only on intersectionality, not competence.
But the Dems are in a fix. Biden's numbers are dropping like pigeon poop on a statue, but Kamala Harris’s are worse.
As Concha points out - a recent USA Today poll, has the vice president at 35 percent approval, 54 percent disapproval. That’s insane. For a VP just seven months in.
Harris is 19 points underwater. If she sunk any lower she'd qualify for shark week.
And she hasn't done anything memorable. It's a rare feat to be both invisible and unpopular. Which might be why Kamala's secret service code name is silent but deadly. She’s the human version of carbon monoxide.
But maybe it’s a strategy. The more you see of her the worse it gets, so keep her under wraps. It's kind of like Michael Moore in a thong. No....nothing is like Michael Moore in a thong and I apologize for placing that image in your head.
Anyway, it puts the Dems in a pickle. Joe doesn't look like a second termer. In fact, the action in Vegas doesn’t have Sleepy Joe making it to Thanksgiving. And if you think he’s sleepy now, wait ‘til he’s had some turkey.
Biden completing his term? This man can’t even complete his sentences. And when the strategy for your successor is keeping her out of sight - then maybe you should rethink that successor.
Unless this is somehow planned. Joe is publicly bad. Kamala is nowhere to be found. Keeping her under wraps as he implodes – that might make sense.
With inflation, crime, covid, spending, and now Afghanistan, perhaps the real strategy is making Joe look so bad, he exits earlier than expected. Like a starting pitcher who gives up eight runs in the first inning.
If that’s the Democrats’ plan I’ve got two words for them: mission accomplished. I’ve got two other words for the Dems, but this is a family show.
But after so many bad things happening this fast, maybe anything different looks good. Including even someone, you can’t even find. Like Kamala.
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The Democrat party is like me in my single days. After 8 drinks in and at last call, I’d go home with a panda.
And during that vacation in Singapore. I did.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the September 1, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"