Have you heard the phrase “never let a pandemic go to waste?” Now you have, because I just said it.
Some airlines are doing just that. Delta and American Airlines, among others, are suspending all or part of their booze service to reduce interactions between passengers and crews. And to limit bad behavior.
So this, in medical circles, is called a stupid, stupid, highly stupid idea.
AIRLINES ARE TEMPORARILY SUSPENDING ALCOHOL SERVICE ON FLIGHTS AMID PANDEMIC
Do these idiots have any idea why alcohol sales boomed during the lockdown? It’s because we were trapped in a room and we couldn't get out.
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This is much like being on a plane, where you're trapped with no way out, unless you open an emergency exit and aim for a big bush. I wouldn’t suggest that under any circumstances, unless you're flying next to Joy Behar.
It’s a fact that flying is getting less enjoyable every year. And yet we never get anywhere faster.
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As computer speed doubles every two years, we still produce new jets lumbering through the air at the same speeds as the old ones did in the 1970s. Worse, today we're packed like sweaty veal, forced to endure endless delays and bizarre regulations that often leave us with hunger-induced migraines and distended bladders.
And now, they want to take away the booze? Look, I get the face masks. And believe me, I hate drunk jackasses who fly. I even hate myself. But usually not until the next day
But to punish everyone – especially me – because of the actions of a few is not the way to solve problems.
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Sadly, though, that seems to be the trend these days. With just a few bad apples, we don't just throw out the whole batch – we defund the orchard.
It’s enough to make me drink. And hate myself tomorrow.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on June 17, 2020.